Welcome to Pandora Shitheads. I'm Colonel Miles Quaritch and it is my duty to prepare all of you for the hell that is known as Pandora. It may look like a whimsical dreamland that might have cost a half a billion dollars to create... but don't let that fool you. Pandora will chew you up and shit you out faster than you can say "Please don't chew me up and shit me out". Pandora doesn't give a shit if you are polite. You see these scars on my face? Pandora gave them to me. Padora will fist fuck your wife then shake your hand. Then make you think "Why does my hand smell like my wife's pussy?" So what ever you do... don't let Pandora fool you.The Na'vi may seem like a harmless and uncivilized group of aliens who want nothing more than to be one with nature... but don't let that fool you. These blue mother fuckers aren't going to be accepting any disease ridden blankets. They will shoot their bows and arrows and fly their dragons at our steel ships and MechWarriors © until the very end.
I may look like a one sided character who's only here to cause tension and to personify how evil war and corporations can be... but don't let that fool you. I've got dreams and hobbies. I enjoy seeing how long I can hold my breath. Almost four minutes now. And my idea of a good time is sitting by my fireplace with a bottle of sherry listening to NPR with my life partner Jeb.
Hey you.... you in the wheel chair. I could use a guy like you on the inside. A marine in an Avatar body... now that's a potent mix. I want you to learn from the inside. I want you to gain their trust. If you give me what I need I will make sure you get your legs back... your real legs. One condition though. Don't fuck any of them. I mean I know you wouldn't be inclined to since your whole life you grew up being attracted to one species. It would just be bizarre to think you would up and fuck another one. What I'm trying to ask is:
Does this turn you on? If your answer is no... welcome to the team.
I can't describe how great this post is.
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