The Saint vs The Jackal

Hello I am a man of many names and faces. People hire me to steal seemingly unobtainable items. I am able to do this by wearing ridiculous disguises and taking on new eccentric identities. I get paid very well but once I hit 50 million I'm out.








Hello I am a man of many names and faces. People hire me to assassinate political figures . I am able to do this by wearing ridiculous disguises and taking on new eccentric identities. I get paid very well but once I hit 70 million I'm out.







Hey Mate... Are you trying to steal my thunder? My movie came out a few months before yours. I mean our movies are different. I'm the protagonist in mine and you're the antagonist in yours. It just seems a little weird to have two movies come out in the same year where the titular character is a master of disguise.








Whoa dude... that's an awesome Aussie accent. Most Americans actors sound like they are reading off the Outback Steakhouse menu when they try. You like my get up? I'm a fisherman... but instead of a pole I got a big fuckin gun in here. shhhhhhh.









Thanks a lot. I really appreciate that. It took me months to perfect it. Richard Gere's accent is pretty good in your flick too. Sidney Poitier sure isn't the same caliber of actor he once was is he?









I guess that's true. I mean he wasn't terrible or anything. I guess he is more of a grape that hasn't been in the sun now. You know... cause of Raisin in the...










Oh I get it, it's very clever. How's that working out for you?









Dude.... from Fight Club right? And shit you're even on an airplane. How did that happen? It's like some guy is sitting at a computer thinking all this stupid shit up between his rigorous masturbation schedule. Anywho.... does this get up make me look like I hate the Jews? I was going for more of a Timothy McVeigh look. Wait... did he hate the Jews or just the Government?








I think it was just the government. I guess I could look it up with the really cheesy computer technology I posses. I love how they portrayed the internet in the 90s. I mean... you know what I'm talking about cause you got the same unrealistic technology. You're fucking smoking a cigar and talking to a computer that helps you narrow down a search for a gun. Who made a program for that specific purpose?







I did not hear a single thing you said because I couldn't stop looking at your teeth. What the fuck. I guess I'm one to talk ... I'm about ready put my hand on this guys mouth.











I totally got a gay identity too. Maybe our two identities could get together.











I'm not really gay.







No no... neither am I. I was only kidding. You see me get with Elisabeth Shue? I felt like Marty McFly banging her. I would have never have left her on that porch in an alternate 1985.










Hey guys.... Can I join the party?











Get the fuck out of here Dana Carvey. I'm not going to watch your stupid movie so you can join the mix too.












Shit.... I got to take this. It was really fun playing dress up with you. Maybe we will take similar roles on some future films and meet again.









That probably won't happen. I'm going to take really shitty roles for the rest of my career. Hell I might even do the voice of a car in a reboot of a shitty television series.